Friday, March 30, 2012

Without a name

typewriter filling cabinet boxing gloves janitor lug nut

I woke up in this morning, dark , it's all dark around. I have to try really hard to forget about this bald thin man asking me to help him find the lamb man who has lived in his boss's head. I forget everything about how I reach this cabin. I get up and drink a big cup of water. There is a note on the desk telling me that breakfast is outside the door. I opened the door noticing the small box on the ground.
The whole scenery outside is so quiet. It's making me scared. The only thing that is moving is in the mountain about ten miles from my house with about a hundred lambs and a janitor, or more precisely a grazier. The sunshine is hurting me I have to go back.
The only things I found on the desk beside my bed is a typewriter with few ribbons in it. And a small filing cabinet filling with some papers about the stockholm syndrome and the farm history. A couple of books are lying on the bookcase. Works of Shakespeare, and the tale of Genji, nothing that attracted my attention except a record of The Brother Four and a boxing glove. I have to guess that both women and men have been living in this room for a while. Now I am the one.
After about three hours, there is this horse man knocking on my door. I observed him for a long time since his head is so weird. He has two eyes but not one of them has eyelashes. He took out one of his man hand from his pocket giving me a lug nut saying:"Welcome." And he disappeared.
"Welcome." His voice is haunting in my head for the next hour. I never had a car since I was 10 before that I have a room of model cars.
Well, I guess, here comes another cold winter this year.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Living, traveling, running

-book review for Education of a Wandering Man

For my whole life, I always regard myself as a novel reader. Reading prose or traveling notes has been a big problem for me as I would fall asleep all the time. But this time, I gave myself a great challenge for deciding to read "a notes" by Louis L’Amour, a great novel writer.

So as the day-to-day progress of reading Education of a wandering man, I realized that I am not the only one who tried to find challenge him/herself. Louis L'Amour elaborated the details of him wandering the world, working tons of jobs that later provide important facts for his novels. He also detailed his collection of books as related to different ideas gained from different parts of the world. I have to admit that peaks appear in every section of his adventure.

In a section, Louis talked about being an writer. As he was illustrating that how effective the ways a writer write, it reminds me of my favorite writer's first half autobiography talking about running. He is a great Japanese Writer just as Louis L'Amour but just he gained inspirations from his way of running. Sometimes we want to run faster, we just make ourselves do, we want to speed down, we just make ourselves calm down. W. Somerset Maugham once said, every razor has its own philosophy. The author explained it clearly as every single move we do today will become some sort of idea on day. That's what we called philosophy. Louis' philosophy is on his way.

I always wanted to be a writer, since I was a little girl. But sometimes I find my words too obscure that even I don't understand it. I feel like I could start reading and writing again after I read the book of Louis. He gave me the courage to interpret my views out of audacity. Just keeping reading and keep thinking, that's the only way out.

My review in the goodreads.com:

http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/294988403

Thursday, March 8, 2012

The culture of dating

I was trying to learn more about the life of Americans by watching three movies per day these two weeks. But I ended up thinking about the the culture of dating in America.

The American's idea about "dating'" is a completely different principle of what we Chinese think. In China, when we asked about you and him, the answer would either be we are in a relationship or we are not. The three steps of "dating" in China are first, meeting and having feelings; second, being in a relationship, and finally get married or break up. Most of the time , the line between the first and second step is just a sentence," could you be my girlfriend?" or " Let's be together." And then , that's it.

However,based on my observation these years watching American movies,TV shows , and finally came to America, I noticed that American's view of dating is more complicated as well as simpler than what we think. From the beginning "meeting" to the last step "being together", there are miles of ways to go. Two years ago I watched this movie "He‘s just not that into you". It taught me a lot about the dating culture in America. I heard a lot of sayings like " We are seeing each other, but he is not my boyfriend," or "I don't know if I am ready for it." I feel like from the first step meeting to the second being in a relationship, Americans have to gone through a lot more than just a sentence. They have to go through picking up, having dinner, having a crash on, attracted to and seeing each other regularly and finally get into the relationship.

Different Americans even have different ideas about "relationships". But commonly, most of them decided not to take it too serious before they are sure they are ready for it. And also most of the "dating timelines" are flexible; having feelings, dating and having sex, those steps can be changeable not like us Chinese. Some people date first while some people have sex first. But sometimes even they have gone through all the steps, they do not treat themselves as "a thing". They don't know where they are.

When you ask an American about your anniversary, instead of saying "I am with him for a month," they would say" we are seeing each other for a month."

It's confusing me a lot. What exactly is "date"? Does that mean the guy pay the bill? Or if you just pay it on yourself, it's just friends hanging out? I know there's always exception. But " I will pay it" is always a signal of something.

What is exclusive dating? That's a more complicated concept. I wish someone could answer that for me.

Chinese people are always being so serious when they are in a relationship. They always said, you should be responsible or you should take it seriously. Most parents think that "being in a relationship without the purpose of get married is a kind of acting indecently".

Now for me, the complicated way of dating makes me faint. But meanwhile, we always have a choice to go on or quit. We don't need to take it too serious from the right beginning. There is always a way out. And being in the searching for a partner, maybe some day you will realize that this is "the one".

If you are interested, here is the trailer of He is just not that into you,

Monday, March 5, 2012

There is this woman

There is a woman I admire so much that I cannot help sharing her ideas with all of you.

She told me everything that I need to do in my life.

Here is the Youtube Video to the introduction of 10000h dream idea.

The fly came to this world with one page of things that he needs to do before he dies. He wants to bite a coati, to get drunk, to party, etc. A lot of things to do. Sometimes he has to do with great efforts, sometimes is just a beautiful coincidence. And every time he finished a thing in his list, he would try to make a note. But at the last few seconds, he found out there is no chance for him to achieve the last two goals-- watch the stars and get famous. He died out of disappointment. But what's fortunate is that God give him a chance to achieve the last two goals.

It's really touching. I smile every time I watch the video.

People said that if you want to get famous and successful in just one area in this world, you should at least put 10000 hours efforts into it. No matter what you are, Albert Einstein, an athlete or any musician. No matter you are gifted or not. Anyone has the chance to become successful. But talking about 10000h, that's not a small number. What that means is two hours per day, you will still need at least 14 years to approach it. Still hard. Now what we need to do is not thinking too much, start working on it.

At first, get your dreams set up.

The woman recommended me a Moleskine notebook, but I thought it does not matter what notebook you are using. So I just took a small notebook and write all my dreams on the first page.

Like :
1) travel through Japan

2) get a psychology certification

3) get tons of old movies and gramophone records

4) write a book
...

you don't need to write exactly what you are gonna do to achieve the goal, just need all the things to be clear on the page.

Anything you want, big and small.

Secondly, classify your dreams

Through all the dreams I have in my books, I will try to make them into three sections( you can do it on your own).

1) To love, that include traveling and becoming an psychologist, which I can help the people that need help in the world.

2) Writing and reading, which includes the collection of books movies, and to write a book

...

And then in a single area of these dreams, you can help yourself set up the steps with the goals. For instance, as I am a total beginner of the psychology area, I would say, first, you need to reed at least 10 books about the general psychology, 10 about the criminal psychology, 10 about developing psychology in 2012. After that, get a degree on psychology in three years. Things like that, depends on how you would manage your time.

Most importantly, you should write every single efforts you put on this dream.

Allow me to copy what that woman did for her author dream:

Read 《1q84 2，3》 09/21/10

Read 《tipping point》 10/13/10

Read《1001 ways to market your books》 10/15/10

Every small step is a necessary element, a short Youtube video, a short song you played on your guitar or any inspirations you had during the late night chat with your friend. Just write them after the section of the dream.

And the last thing to do is a "stop watch".

Remember you just have 10000h don't wast your time. Put on every thirty minutes you devoted into your work.

For some people, 10000h is too much, you don't want to become another Albert Einstein. You can just choose to do 5000h or 8000h.

Sometimes, dream for me, is not a small thing. It is a thing that you need to give sweat and blood into it. You might do not have time for sleeping. You might lose some of your friends. But always remember, that is the most valuable thing in your whole life. If your forget to do that, don't blame anyone for your own regrets.

Tips:

Keep going on.

And Watch the video one more time, you will find out that God knows all the things the fly has done to himself, and the small fortunate amber is his reward. A reward, is always there, for anyone who really appreciate his own life.

An awesome video about life:

Friday, March 2, 2012

Here is my daughter.....

One day, a year ago...

When I was trying to get dressed and get my daughter wake up, I feel headache again. I called her tons of times and she just yelled at me and saying I am doing it,I am doing it. But after all when I have done all my cleanings I walked to her room again and she was still in her bed, with no sign that she's gonna get up today. But anyway I made it, actually she made it.

It was another normal day at the hospital again, I was helping the surgery of changing people's nose or eyes or anything on the face to be prettier. Well, it's common that people want to be pretty to make their husbands or boyfriend happy.

And now I have to drive for about an hour to get my daughter from her school. She was having some problems these days with her going abroad studying issues. She always asked me my opinions of her going out. I sometimes have no idea what to respond to her. I just say talk to your dad, if he is Ok I would be totally fine. And then she just give me that confusing eyes. She is a thoughtful girl with great grades sometimes before maybe. And now she is just distracted by some kind of escaping thoughts. I used to understand her about her thoughts with those boys in junior school and the dreams she talked about becoming a doctor. I tried to understand her and be supportive. But now I just being more aggressive as she turns to be that way, too. I now have no idea what to do with this girl, its better to just let her go so that she could understand us better.

Whatever, there she is, coming towards me.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Creativity

The talking of Elizabeth Gilbert gives me an impression that she is a little bit proud of what she has done. I am not saying that she is not a good writer or a good person.

However, she writes one of the best works I have ever seen. I have seen Eat Pray Love for about five times and every time I saw it I would cry out of it. It was a great work. But in general, I don't quite agree with what she said about genius. I believe that any person who has talents on a certain area comes out of huge efforts he or she had put in it. Creativity is not the thing that you try really really hard, and you can come up with the idea after you strives . Sometimes its just the little inspiration you find from the issues occurred around you. It's not like that someone just give you the words and you write them done, or you dissolve them into your works. It is a reward after your efforts. It's a confirm that you have the ability to do this work. I don't want to make this so serious that I need to argue with the religion. I respect what she said, it's just not that easy for some people.

I have to make a confession that I am facing great challenges in my life right now. It's hard to give them a definition. I would just say that I apply creativity to my life as a tool to make me live more organized as well as enjoyable. I have to make plans for everything I need to do so that I won't forget . I draw pictures on the note book I owned to remind me. Like when I need three movies and two books to be done next week, I make my notebook fancy so that I would feel it was great fun to accomplish the goals. And when I want to do something I am really interested in and I achieve a little goal in my planned time. I would sometimes give myself reward.

Creativity, is surely not a word just for artist. For any scientists or businessmen, creativity takes a big part to evaluate ones succeed. A chemists need creativity to design new experiment, businessmen need creativity to think of a way to make their products attractive and also the mathematicians need creativity to give new theories. Anyone who is repeating the things people have done before cannot be treated as successful. To make this world fabulous, we always need innovations .

Always remember, creativity is never a gift just comes into your hand, try to respect it and cherish it.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Changing is hard

My family is not a big one. I was living in Wuhan, China for about 16 years. I never had the chance to move or get away from my family since I decided to come here to Utah.

Not after I moved here did I realize that how life can be extremely different. I am the only daughter in my family, which is rare in Utah. Most people here think we Chinese are always the spoiled ones. It is obvious that the only child in the family have all the privileges to get all the things he or she wants. I have to confess that we really do, we don't need to get a job, we don't need to take care of the younger one. I never think it is good for a child to be like this but we don't even have a choice. Chinese society is still in a severe situation. Based on my observation here, I found It better for a child to have siblings or they will be too lonely to face the outside world. Having siblings give them responsibility and care.

Now I don't know what to say about it. My father always think that I am escaping, from the real world. He always wants the best for me but he thinks happiness is the main element of life. He is a businessman and he sells books as he reads. He is a reader, in some ways. He influenced me a lot. He likes to buy me a lot of books. I tried to read all of them but I can't. He once told me that, if you don't live happily, come back. Every time I recall the expression in his eyes when he said this I will cry and last forever. I wanted to tell him that I am really really happy here. I love the city. I love everyone who really cares about me. I love the society where everyone is being polite. I love when I feel comfortable giving tips to my friends after they served me. I love the churches and everyone seems to have his own religion. I love the place where my dream comes true. But , however, a place like this can never be a home. It makes life so easy, without challenging. I have to go back, Like the chum salmon. Hometown is a place that you can never abandon.

Here is my amazing dad.

Some random things:

Here is an awesome TED video I just watched:

1. The art of choosing

the woman is talking about choice and names:

Sunday, February 19, 2012

You should fly, in the days you have all your passion

It was three o'clock in the morning. I have some trouble sleeping these days.

"I made all these lies through my heart."

I started listening to this greater singer's music since yesterday. Actually, I have to call her a musician, not a singer.

That song was called "80 percent perfect days". I have been thinking, how many days in my life were perfect? Or they are supposed to be perfect? Not more than 20 percent, as however they are measured. We always have trouble, everyday, every moment. Like right now, I have this trouble sleeping, and most importantly, I can't find a way out of it, I can't help stop thinking what I should do now. I can't just get up and go to work for the rest of the night and sleep in the morning. And I can't think like an American so that I can express my feelings more precisely. There are so much thoughts I can only tell in Chinese. Like a Japanese author once said, one can only write in his own language, no matter how much they know the other languages, first language is like the way you breath, you hope to do it all your life. To be honest, Those things are like an excuse, for not telling myself to others. But they are not.

I've always been thinking, how did your life change after 17? For me , it was a big deal. In China, we called 17 as the "age of raining". There are so many things happen in 17. It is the right year before the biggest exam. Everyone is studying as hard as the best they can do. But meanwhile, during these ages, so many thoughts and emotions come out. We would think, why we are doing this, why can't we go out with my girlfriend instead of staying at my room doing the stupid homework or what exactly is the purpose of entering college? I came here to find the solution. But unfortunately, I am more confused about my life now. I have a whole bunch of dreams which are based on the memories in China. I have all these people who care about me but living more than 10 thousand miles away from me. Should I just follow what I set up my mind with, or should I change it? No one knows.

"Ever since that day, I made every decision for myself, I don't care what others said"

I saw religion through every corner of the city. I saw fresh air. I saw friendly people. It's like the cafe in September. That afternoon, I was drinking a cup of coffee, seeing couples passing by. Its the simple of you give me the flavor back. My mum used to tell me , when in Roma. I always wanna run away from her, from my family, doing whatever I want to do. And I still want to travel , through Europe and Japan. Nothing can cut down my desire of leaving the city and be an adventurer. But I now realized, even if you have been to all the countries in the world,the only thing you can't arrive, is your hometown.

I have been struggling in the situation of choosing from my dreams and love. I ignored everyone who wants to tell me, if someone really loves you, he or she will let you go, or there is always one thing you want more. I have to say I can't give up either of these. Life is a combination. with all those troubles like I mentioned before. I have no choice. The only thing I can do is just make good deal of the things right in front of you. Do not think anything, anymore. Some day , solutions will automatically come.